Context for this example: This character has an ability of manipulating ice. She lives in an arctic world in which there’s danger. She’s maintaining an ice wall she’s constructed around their home. I’ve added the paragraph proceeding it so you can see the flow.
example of h4 heading
Context for this example: This character has an ability of manipulating ice. She lives in an arctic world in which there’s danger. She’s maintaining an ice wall she’s constructed around their home. I’ve added the paragraph proceeding it so you can see the flow.
BEFORE
METAPHORED
In the end, I know the wall will do no more good to keep the soldiers out than my furs are doing for the wind. They’re a force. As much as Pa says it can make all the difference, I know the truth.
I think it’s meant more to keep me busy than to keep them out. I do it anyway. Pulling the ice up in a sheet, layering it against itself, moving over to do it again, wind biting through the seams of my leathers.
In the end, I know the wall will do no more good to keep the soldiers out than my furs are doing for the wind. They’re a force. As much as Pa says it can make all the difference, I know the truth.
It’s like Ma giving Luuk a spoon and empty bowl when she’s cooking. Keeps me out of the way. Makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile. But I’m just mixing nothing.
The meaning is the same. The sentiment is the same. But which is a richer method of getting the point across? Which shows character and world more?
Comb through your draft right now. Choose any line or paragraph—something descriptive or telling. Ask yourself, what is this similar to from your character’s perspective and world?
Now, the best part about the spoon and empty bowl is that it’s a universal metaphor. Anyone who has been around kids—especially those who have them—understands being the person to create this moment. And the truth behind how she’s feeling. That makes it all the more stronger.
But like anything with writing, it’s all a balancing game. While you can take any sample and find a way to do this, it’s important to find where it’s most fitting and appropriate. Where it’s strongest.
Carrying the Metaphor
Markatie’s draft of using lion at the start, then swapping to something else. Keep the same metaphor going in a page, or pages. Even in a chapter and that gives it a sense of togetherness, wholeness. It’s satisfying.
Metaphor: the sound of a boot as the night’s choice.
Carried metaphor: a group of people is a five piece ensemble.
Carried metaphor: the woman leading the group is “keeping rhythm”.
Both of these additional pieces are based on the first metaphor. If you’re not sure how to keep a scene moving without become bland and uninteresting, find an earlier metaphor and carry it down the page or through the chapter.
Here’s another example:
